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The Misfortune of a Lucky Girl

Health and happy vibes everyone! My name is Juanita. And, I want to welcome ya'll to my blog as this is my first post ever. I'm super excited about it, honestly. Although you may be wondering about the title. Well, I just want to say no worries. All will be revealed in due time. Or actually, let's reveal all now!

This blog will be about exactly what the title implies. Quick question. Have you ever met a young woman with so much going for her, that she almost gleams when she walks into a room? Oh yeah, we've all met that girl! Smart. Attractive. Great job. Tons of friends. Her good stuff just goes on and on, right? Wrong!

See, what you don't know about this girl are her many mishaps, her countless snags in that shiny veneer. Yes, my friends. This girl's life is one big, glamorous and exciting mess. She's a mess, you guys! Picture a train wreck in luxury G-7 jet's clothing. Yup! That's her. And, sadly (but, also proudly) that girl is me. Hi guys, pleasure to meet ya'll! Welcome.

Firstly, I'd like to dispel one misconception. I've never gleamed while entering a room. If I ever do, I kindly ask that someone please contact the CDC for me, then promptly take cover. Because, clearly bioluminescent skin is not ok! What I'm trying to say is that your girl over here is hella normal.

I've got the heartbreaks and regrets to back that up! Now, let's slow this down and let that sink in. Heartbreak. Regret. That's right, folks. So, when I say misfortunes, I'm not talking about a broken nail or receiving the wrong Starbucks order. Actually, those two things suck too. But, I'm talking real deal, knock down drag out bad luck.

What makes me want to share these horrid experiences, you ask? Well, two things really. For one, I'd like to think that some poor girl or guy somewhere could stand to learn from my painful journey. Who knows? Secondly, I just want to bring some homespun humor into the world. Basically, if someone can learn from or laugh at my pain, then mission accomplished.

With that being said, let's get into it. Yeah? Great!

I'd like to start with something light, a cute little nugget just to break the ice. Cool? Awesome! You'll be pleased to hear that this story falls into the category of Romance & Dating. This takes place here in my hometown, one summer night about three years ago. Yours truly was out with her girlfriends, dancing and having an amazing night.

The weather was balmy and breezy. Partygoers were high-key lit but on their best behavior, having so much fun. The drinks were perfection, and the DJ played nothing but bangers. Seriously, the night was shaping up to be spectacular. And, as characteristic to every fun filled evening, the good-looking men can be found moving in droves.

Halfway through the evening, as I stood at the bar to order another drink, a tall slender muscular cutie approaches me. For imagery purposes, this guy would be considered handsome. He was dressed well and smelled ridiculously tempting. I was single at the time and this man was exactly my type. Physically, that is. Our compatibility didn't reach past physical. But, we'll get to that.

It doesn't take long for us to strike a decent dialog. We talked about our jobs and the fact that he was visiting from Charlotte on business. He was friendly and spoke intelligently. We joked and laughed and talked some more. Folks, this was the very definition of "hitting it off". Before long he was asking me to go grab breakfast with him after the party. Sweet, right?

We met at IHOP, and I had asked my friend, Genny, to come along. She invited her guy friend to keep from being a third wheel. He wasn't her boyfriend, just a good buddy. If I had to describe him, I'd say that he was probably handsome in his younger days, but having a hard life took its toll. He worked a modest job, but owned nothing.

Why is that information necessary, you ask? Is Genny's guy friend's net worth all that important? Well, yes and no. Read on to see what I mean.

The waitress shows us to our seats and we order immediately. While we waited for our Colorado omelets and All-Star pancakes, our conversation swung around to the topic of religion, or spirituality. It's what you'd expect at first, we discussed everything from growing up in church to considering other belief systems. It appeared to be stimulating conversation after a fun night out.

Now, I'm going to stop right here. So, at this point, who thinks that the night had only gotten better? Ok. Now who thinks the night ended up crashing and burning into a quick fiery death? If you voted the latter, then you are one smart crowd! See, folks, my date took our spiritual discussion and completely swerved left.

Basically, this man told us that he believes God is dead. He said that the real God was a part of some celestial royal family where he was the favorite, the perfect son. And, at some point, God was betrayed by a jealous older brother, murdered in his sleep. So now, the God we think we're worshipping is, in fact, the murderer!

When I say it now, it sounds fascinating, like a pitch for a potential best-selling novel. But this was his religious belief! This guy even believed that this imposter deity spoke to him in his sleep, that he was speaking to him right then as he was sitting with us. When we asked him what his god was saying to him, this dude proceeded to give off a verbal cadence, consisting of squeaks and burping sounds. Sigh. So much for new romantic prospects. FML, right?

You may ask, was he just messing around? Folks, if he had been, maybe I could've let it ride.

But, the point of this blog and this 100% true story is to demonstrate that I have no such luck! So no, he wasn't messing with us. This man was dead serious! So much so, that he continued to speak in the language of his god, periodically for the duration of our breakfast. Squeaking and burping as verbal responses to our questions. I was done.

Here's what I learned from this experience. Despite my new acquaintance being gorgeous, successful and available, his radical and unfounded theories were clearly... let's just say incompatible with my beliefs. But, take Genny's friend, who kept his cool and discussed with an educated and rational tone. He argued with knowledgeable recorded accounts, verses my guy who had no idea where his theories even stemmed from.

Turns out, Genny's friend was wise, grounded and altogether a very solid individual. Which honestly, made him tons more attractive than my new friend. Just goes to show that in the end, it doesn't matter if a man works a modest 9-5 job or may not be as dashing as he once was. Sensibility and intelligence will make you the most attractive man in the room.

And as for me, classic case of new friend zone material. Because, none of us are so rich that we can afford to waste friends. Tony, that's his name by-the-way, turned out to be a nice guy. So, we stayed friends for two years until we lost contact. Also turns out, he was just as off-the-wall crazy in other areas of his life! His job. His relationship with his family.

Conversing with Tony was like talking to a blurry mirror. Oh well. I hope that he's gone on to find people that actually get him and vibe on his level. So anyway guys... those are my take-aways. This story was one of my tamer accounts. They won't always be. But hopefully, my experiences will always be beneficial to those who stop in and read. Take care everybody! Until next time...

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